Out of every fandom I have encountered in my life, the marauders have by far had left the greatest mark on me. I would say that Taylor Swift and the marauders are my spirituality as I live, breathe and die. There’s no need to compare two perfect entities, so I will instead talk about how they are both lovely and all encompassing, but different and how without them I literally would have nothing to live for. 😁😁😁
In 2006 when 10 year old me heard Teardrops on My Guitar I ceased being a person and instead became an endless vortex of lyrics and emotions in a girl-shaped-body. I used to watch Journey to Fearless illegally online every single day after freshman year of high school. I fought for my LIFE in 2015 when my ex-boyfriend and his friend group roasted me for calling her my favorite artist. I cannot even tell you how much shit My Tears Ricochet has helped me through and still helps me through (I’ve recently exited my “‘cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave” era and now I’m in my “just not home” era.) Taylor Swift is my phantom limb. Taylor Swift is my cult of choice. Taylor Swift is my “past, present and future” as Tom Riddle says.
The marauders fandom has become all of these things with time, but I never saw it coming. Within a week of entering starting All The Young Dudes, it had already begun to fundamentally re-alter my brain chemistry. I really said “I’m going to read this fanfiction about Harry Potter’s dead dad heheheha just for fun hehehe and it will be so silly and goofy! I didn’t expect to come out the other side with 4 new pairs of converse, an extensive knowledge of 1970s music and a word count of over 1 million.
I wish there was a way to feel like that all the time. It’s so rare to find a story that feels more real than real life feels. In those moments, a fictional story means more to me than scrolling tik tok, overthinking social situations and dwelling on all of the negative ways I perceive myself. I found myself absorbing the content, expanding my music taste and wearing clothes that the characters would wear. All of this lit my soul on FIRE. It elevated EVERYTHING. Suddenly I realized what was important for me to prioritize in my friendships, I had a million new business ideas and I started loving myself more. Because loving something that much just creates this unfathomable energy of compassion and gratitude and MAGIC that fills every space in your life.
All of my friends started reading it at the same time and we were all in BLISS even though - by the way - it’s the saddest story ever. Literally everyone dies or ends up in jail. BUT THAT IS WHY IT’S SO GOOD. Because we all know that real life can be such a shit show and it’s HARD. When stories encompass the beauty and magic, but also the pain and devastation of being a human….I feel like I’m being HELD.
I have only had this happen with a few stories in my life. The original Harry Potter books, ACOTAR (specifically A Court of Silver Flames), Little Women and ATYD / Crimson Rivers. I have to believe it can happen again. I need to feel like that again!! But the cool thing is that even after the manic hyperfixation fades, it just becomes another phantom limb / cult / forever lifestyle. The marauders are just characters in my life TV show now.
On that note, I thought I would come in and share what each of these fictional angels have taught me. Source material: All The Young Dudes by mskingbean89, Crimson Rivers by Zeppazariel and Just Lovers (like we used to be) by Zeppazariel (also known as bizarrestars.) These are all fanfics that are written by phenomenal writers.
JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER - It all starts with the sun. While canon says he’s a decent, but arrogant roller coaster of morality, the fans know better. We said “are you sure about that?? aRe U sUrE aBOUt tHAt???!?!?”
Together we found him to be deeply kind, deliciously chaotic and above all: SHINING with hope. We also all simultaneously agree that he wears red converse and is a morning person. DID WE STUTTER??!?!? James is the character I want to be most like. I see myself in him, though I feel like my own eternal hope has faded a bit this past year. How can someone be so kind even when life is so hard? James has taught me that it’s worth it to be lighthearted and positive. It will pay off in the end because being happy FEELS LIKE SUNLIGHT. And when you feel like sunlight, you BECOME sunlight.
REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK - On the flip side, Regulus taught me that IT IS OKAY TO BE MEAN. BALANCE IN ALL THINGS. THIS IS WHY THEY WORK SO WELL IN CRIMSON RIVERS. It’s okay to cut yourself off from people if you need to! It’s okay to act cold when people deserve it. It’s okay to be stoic and and thoughtful and guarded. You can protect yourself if you need to. Regulus Black has SELF RESPECT. He trusts his intuition and he will stand by his people until the very end. That kind of unwavering loyalty is more sacred than most things in life.
REMUS JOHN LUPIN - Wait…my eyes started tearing up just from writing his NAME. I think that Remus has taught me more than anyone else. He understands how hard it is to let people in, but he does it anyways. He understands what it’s like to suffer from physical and mental illness, but he still pushes on. He knows what it’s like to be the underdog with less opportunities, but he still works harder than anyone. He is SO. SWIFTIE. CODED.. I AM ILL.
Remus is like that Miss Americana monologue - “I wanna love glitter, and also stand up for the double standards that exist in our society. I wanna wear pink, and tell you how I feel about politics. I don't think those things have to cancel each other out.” He represents DUALITY. He can wear sweaters and have fluffy hair and also arm himself with sharp wit and rage. Even though he is a man, he was brought to life by the girlies. Girlhood is the author of Remus Lupin. HE BELONGS TO THE SHES, GAYS, THEYS AND NON-TOXIC SOFT BOYS ONLY!!! I’ve never met a character who feels more like my best friend.
LILY JADE EVANS - Lily Jade Evans is the first moment that you feel spring in the air after a long, grueling winter. She is the crunch of fall leaves under your feet. She is childlike wonder that you still feel on Christmas morning. You know that moment when you are seconds away from hearing a brand new Taylor Swift album? Or when you are reading a book and you realize it is going to be your favorite forever? SHE IS THAT. SHE IS ALL OF THAT AND MORE. To simplify it, this girl is fairydust and the colors at dusk and MAGIC. James was so real for making himself a fool for this woman. Lily literally saved her son because she loved him so much; an act that had never happened in the history of the Wizarding World. PLSSS YOU GUYS I HAVE TEARS WELLING UP IN MY EYES (I’m not kidding). SHE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, OKAY!?!?!??!?!
Lily has taught me to trust your heart more than you trust anything else. It may get you into some scrapes and it may lead you to opening up to the wrong people at times, but you will always land in the right place. You will find your place in this world, just like she did.
SIRIUS ORION BLACK - THE EQUILIBRIUM OF THE WORLD WAS NOT BALANCED UNTIL WE HAD HIM AS A CHARACTER. He is an archetype that we all desperately needed. Sirius represents bravery. He was brave from the moment he was born to the moment that he died. Trigger warning !!! 👹 Joanne Rowling 👹 !!! REALLY PUT THIS MAN THROUGH HELL. And she still has the audacity to say wolfstar isn’t canon. Though this is the least of that woman’s crimes. But CAN’T OUR BABY JUST HAVE THIS!?!?
Sirius wasn’t born into a family full of love, so he went out in the world and searched until he found / made his own. He wouldn’t settle until he had a place where he could feel safe. Sirius is so afraid of his own inner demons. He is TERRIFIED of his own dark thoughts. Whenever he feels them, though, he is brave enough to reach out a hand. He isn’t afraid to cling onto the people he loves despite the fact that he wasn’t loved as a child. Even though he is brilliant and gorgeous and he knows it, at his core he knows that this isn’t the most important thing. All he cares about is LOVE.
Whew. I got wordier as I got deeper into the character lore. HOW DO YOU PUT WORDS TO SOMETHING THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO YOU!?!?! I will 100% have to post about my perfect, divine goddesses Mary, Marlene and Dorcas another time, but for now I will leave it here. I will 100% be writing about the marauders more. Like Taylor Swift, they are now A FUNDAMENTAL PART OF ME. LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE THE MARAUDERS FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.
xoxo
Hallie
hallie this is making me cry. 😭
this was magical and i felt honored to read such hallowed words