what if you're just a character in a fantasy book?

"my name is celaena sardothien," she whispered, "and I will not be afraid."

As much as I loathe to admit it, I am in the middle of A Hard Time.™️ Even though Oregon has been a good experience, it doesn’t feel like home. Connor and I are trying to figure out if we can get back to Utah or if we are stuck in my warehouse contract. I’m trying to be soooo cool and casual about it, but if I’m being honest I’m STRUGGLING to be soooo cool and casual about it. There’s a chance we won’t be able to find someone to sublease and blah blah blah and in that case we are here to stay for a few more years. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, RIGHT!?!? RIGHT!?!?!??

It’s an amazing place with the best nature and bookstores the PNW has to offer. We also have the most amazing people in our lives who keep coming to visit and even during the other times I am NOTHING if not a girlie who can maintain a long distance friendship. It’s just been hard not to split my brain into a duel timeline feeling like I’m emotionally living in UT, but physically living in OR.

At least I’m in my Sweet Nothing era. It’s soooo end-of-August coded. Seven years later and I’m still whipped for this man 🙄🙄🙄 They say the end is coming. Everyone’s UP TO SOMETHING! I find myself RUNNING home to your sweet nothings. YOU KNOW!!??! Like that’s so real. Even with the industry disruptors and soul deconstructors… he’s in the kitchen HUMMING. Taylor just gets it.

So anyways…back to The Hard Time.™️ Zoe and I have come up with a theory to cope with the finale of this melancholy summer. It’s called The Celaena Sardothian theory. I will give you the bare bones of it without spoiling too much of Throne of Glass. This series is eight books and over one million words long and throughout it these characters go through HELL. Not like, first world problem hell, but WAR AND BATTLES AND TORTURE HELL. It’s the kind of enchantingly horrifying stuff that can only be found in fantasy books.

In my head I’m thinking “okay….there’s NOTHING I will ever go through that these characters haven’t already faced.” I miss my home? YEAH, WELL, CELAENA DOES TOO. I’m trapped by my own expectations for myself? DORIAN HAVILLIARD IS LOADING…... (i’m crying. he’s so baby)

If they can battle their enemies then I can battle mine!!! Starting with getting out of bed earlier and eating more vegetables. Real life feels sooooo silly goofy after reading about assassins and wyverns and haunted underground passages. Why not channel this energy in my real life by lighting atmospheric candles and listening to cinematic playlists?

If I’ve learned anything this year it’s that NOTHING IS DEEP. It’s a lie, of course. So much in life is deep. But it’s truthful in the way that I am no longer letting things deeply uproot me. What if I decide that everything is FUNNY or ROMANTIC or JUST ANOTHER PLOT POINT? I’m in my “middle of the book” era. Kind of iconic!?!? If someone only read the beginning and end of a book that would be so confusing. If someone read Throne of Glass and then Kingdom of Ash without the 6 books in between they wouldn’t even be able to comprehend what’s going on. Like…AT ALL.

Here’s another way to think about it…can you imagine The Eras Tour without the Reputation set? We would go straight from the emotional devastation of Evermore to the childlike wonder of Speak Now with zero snakes, sexy voice rasps and strutting across the stage. WE NEED THE CHAPTER WHERE WE EMBRACE OUR BLACK SEQUINS AND OUR ‘1, 2, 3 LET’S GO BITCH” ENERGY. WE NEED TO LOOK HOT AND HATE THE MEN WHO HAVE WRONGED US. We need to reach that part in the fantasy book where the women take back their power and stop owing other people shit!! They go FERAL because guess what? They finally GET IT. They get how worthy they are.

I pledge allegiance to Taylor Alison Swift and The Celaena Sardothian Theory. Give me a hard time and I’ll pretend it’s a glass castle that I need to fucking blow up. Right now I’m just in the middle of my book.

I LOVE Utah because it’s beautiful and cozy and of my friends live there, but maybe Portland is a side quest that I - the main character of my story - need to experience. And do you know what? I’m sick of trying to control everything. I don’t know if the author my story is God or the universe or even MYSELF, but I’m ready to be open to all narratives. Sarah Janet Maas didn’t put Celaena through hell for nothing. And my hell has a lot of really pretty trees and cliffs above the ocean and the largest independent bookstore in the world.

I’m ready to relinquish control. What if I’m just a character in a fantasy book?

xoxo,

Hallie